It's Not E! It's KB!

You know when you watch the E! True Hollywood Story of Holly Madison and you feel a kindred spirit...you're in trouble. Not that I have anything against the playboy starlit, but I'm pretty sure she's not the woman my mother would want me looking up to. Yet, hearing Holly dish over her relationship with Hugh Hefner, who she titled, "the first love of her life." I found myself looking at the TV, eating my califlower mash potatoes and thinking... I get it.

I still occasionally hear from my "Hugh."

You know you remember him. Heck, maybe you're still dating him. You remember the fights, the laughs, the kisses, the stories exchanged, first dates, first concerts, first [Parents VS Boyfriend], first break up, and first nights spent crying until you thought you couldn't cry anymore. You remember holding your head high when you heard about his new girlfriend. The way it felt when he called you out of nowhere to say hey...and well...so does Holly Madison. In hearing her talk about her break up with Hugh, I realized how similar it was to most of my own and my friends' break up brawls. Her sense of loss and need to "always have a boyfriend" is something I too have experienced.

You know the kind...that girl who always has a new guy, or the friend who you always see settling. The scary thing about being twenty-two is that the mistakes we make with men/women effect us more.

This ain't your high school playground and broken hearts take longer to mend.

Usually I'm incredibly guarded about my personal life and my views on the roller coaster of love.
But after recent events I feel the need to dish like Holly.

So here it is: The KB! True Hollywood Story of...First Loves, Backup Boys, and Life after the Ex Factor.

Chapter 1: First Loves

I met my ex at the soulful age of 17 and fell head over Steve Madden heels in love. Think: The Notebook.  It was summer, I was young, he was in his early twenties and well...there's nothing like romance in a good sun dress. Basically, I was Holly and he was Hugh. The world looked on in confusion and the roller coaster of dating began. Once a week was World War III. Yet everyday I craved the high you get from the passion-fueled relationship of that first time. Remember the way you used to watch your phone guys and gals? It'd be an hour and...OMG...not ONE TEXT?!
Cause I do. I'd turn my phone off if I hadn't heard from him-- for all of five minutes. I tried to maintain my independent indifference, but love...passionate love...becomes an addiction. It's sick and you know it. You know the steam engine is gonna run out and just like Titanic you're gonna push till your heart rips open from the imminent iceberg. You're the Captain of the ship and you're 'mates' are crying out "Just leave him!... It's dysfunctional!...You need to find someone else!" But your eyes are locked...you're gonna make it past the iceberg of heartbreak and you're gonna be fine. Y'all aren't breaking up. You can't break up love. The voices of "Iceberg right ahead!" drown in your fabricated logic of true love and your rationalizations of his mistakes. No you think...this can't be it...

Lesson: First loves are Titanic. It's glamorous, it's beautiful, and it's going to sink.

Chapter 2: Backup Boys

While you're in the lifeboat of heartbreak, your friends crowd around you attempting you revitalize your frost bitten soul. It's over? But... you told him everything. He knows you. He was that guy. You saw a future together...you saw freakin kids!!! Well, guess what your friends say...
He obviously didn't.
As you near the RMS Carpathia, you think about how your life is over. I know I did. No one else will 'get' them like you did. And what if they date someone new? The very thought sends toxins to your heart which threatens to give up and stop beating. You're in mourning you snap at your friends. Mourning the loss of first love. Yet, while riding the Carpathia, something amazing happens. You're riding the RMS of Rebounds and it is then you meet your BB's. No...I'm not talkin bout bad boys.
You meet your Backup Boys.

These are the guys who get you through it all. They give you the attention you find yourself missing. They give you the cuddle time you thought you'd never have again. And most importantly they teach you to let someone in after heartache. They educate you on the importance of options...and always having a Plan B. With your first love you didn't know any better. You thought, I'm in love and this is it. Backup Boys are what they say, they show you how when love ends it's nice to have a guy with unlimited texting. It eases the pain and is essential to moving on. During this time you develop 2-3 men in your life who you seriously contemplate dating. Yet...you won't date any of them.

Lesson: Remember when Rose was chillin' on the Carpathia crying over Jack? That's you right now. But don't worry...the land of promise awaits.

Chapter 3: Life After the Ex Factor

You were promised streets paved with gold, not hearts. Yet here in the land of opportunity, you dip your foot back into the dating pool and you like what you see. Eventually you meet him. And you say to yourself...this is why I went through what I went through. You're so happy to be back on dry land that you kiss your Backup Boys adieu (no easy feat) and you begin Take Two at Love.

But this time you aren't drowning in a sea of confusion. You're standing firm.

Take Two might be right. Or Take Four might end up perfection. You go through phases with this new Mr. Right. You compare him to Mr. Wrong for the first few months... and find yourself even missing the times Mr. Wrong made you cry. Then something amazing happens...you look across the table at him, that great guy who just smiles back at you as you sip your coffee and you think...Let's do this. Let's set sail.

And you do my friends. You lace up your Sperrys and sail off into the horizon. Maybe forever, maybe just for a few months. But you sail again knowing you'll find your way back to the shoreline...
and that...
that's the most important part of living & loving.

Don't be afraid of sinking--we all have a Titanic.




Awkwardly Inspired

For those of you who haven't heard, this month hasn't exactly been my fav. With the deaths of two incredible young people (whose talents exceed their passing) I have been feeling hopeless and looking towards the heavens with the questions of 'Why?' Alas, God doesn't have unlimited texting like the rest of us so I have to find my answers from the world outside my apartment window.  But you know what happens right when you accept God's terms...he throws you a pair of suede pumps  and with a smile says, Now keep them clean. Impossible? Perhaps. But I like to think that sometimes I can throw a curve ball at God too.

I got news today that the internship I've been praying for, vying for, and basically obsessing over--rejected me. Ouch right? Now I'm not gonna play Mother Theresa on you, I don't do yoga, rather, I believe in the power of Starbucks. Nothin centers my world like a Soy Chai Latte (Venti of course). So with my venti in my shaking hands, I sipped the delicious blend of spiced soy milk and through the rivers of mascara tried to see the light. Three punches to the face makes for some hardcore bruising...but eventually it doesn't hurt to touch. Thoughts blurred ALL rational reasoning and visions of me living in my parents basement, gaining thirty pounds, and working back at Jewel Osco set my heart into a panic.  

Why didn't I choose to the follow my Pre-Law track?! 
I'd be admitted into a Law School by now....

but...as a good friend reminded me...I wouldn't be doing what I love. I sat there and thought about the lives that had recently and unjustly ended and tried to put my life in perspective. Sobs continued to escape my body but after a couple minutes I looked in the mirror and thought,  

KB--what the F are you doing here girl? You've got two guardian angels up there who wouldn't have let this happen if there wasn't something great waiting for you at the end of this runway. 

And then my friends, something truly organic began to grow from within me and I felt...well... awkwardly inspired. Dreams that I unconsciously ignored began to resurface and instead of seeing my post-grad life as bleak and gray, it transformed into a blank canvas of opportunity. I always wanted to open my own store. Start my own company. Begin designing my own line. Work some more fashion shows. Get my hands into new and exciting fashion revolutions...so why not start now? Life slowly turned back into something beautiful. More now than ever I am reminded that our lives are not our own and that whether we like it or not, we all need to hand it over to (whatever you believe in...universe...god...buddha...) and say: alright bud--show me the way.

So there ya go Chicago-- you've got me for a little while longer. Let's have some fun....rock out to some Gaga and live out the dreams that we have in these Chi City hearts of ours. Because as easy as it is to sit here and say poor me and cry about it....
I've got some guardian angels up there that I can't disappoint.

Things to come:

-Trademarking The Life of KB.
-Consulting with a Boutique Consultant about opening my own store....
-Letting God & my beautiful angels show me the way.

Don't let anything get you down friends. Strut your stuff on the runway of life.

Because as for me? I'm rockin' those suede pumps.




OPI Nail Polish...What's really in a name?

For most people, last Tuesday was just a normal Tuesday, but for a blonde girl living in Chicago, it was a night for the books. A night of revelation. A moment of clairty and long awaited discovery.

It was the night I tried OPI nail polish. And here I sit, 6 days later with polished nails that have not even one chip in them.  The name of the one I'm sporting? I'm not sure, but I'm sure it's something clever like "Sparkly Socialite" or "New York City at 2 am."

And on that note I want to beg the question...who has the job of naming OPI nail polishes and are they hiring?? Because I've got some good ones. They need to give Lincoln Park more hours of the day. Right now we're just covering 'after dark' and 'after midnight' but what are we really doing for the day people? Come on now OPI, not every lady is a night owl...or a socialite, which we all know is a pretty word for...well you know. What we really neeed is a 'Lincoln Park at Noon' or better yet 'Lincoln Park Between the Hours of 9pm-9am'

Whoever has that job, I hope you read this and give me a shout out. Because I think it's time y'all up your game.  I mean what girl is going be nail polish shopping, see a pretty coral red, see the name 'Cajun Shrimp' and think yup-that's the perfect nail polish for me. I'm sorry, but the only time I'll have 'Cajun Shrimp' on my nails is when I'm eating cajun shrimp. Food should never be apart of a nail polish name, because while you're painting your nails, all your going to be thinking of is how ironic it's going to be if you hit up Bahama Breeze that weekend and grab some shrimp with your cajun colored fingers. I will give OPI credit for having a nail polish that is quality, but the names need a resurgence. To name a few:

Deer Valley Spice....I'm picturing...

Nomad's Dream. Are these the dreamers?

Because this is not what I'm envisioning...

Have you seen my Limo? Girl-if I have my nails did...this shouldn't even be a question. But alas, this is what I'm seeing...
 But This?

Not so much. 

There are some times where OPI gets it right, but I don't know where their head was at with a couple of these names. We need more options. Because let's face it. When you pick up a nail polish, read the bottom label and it says "Your Ex's New GF is Prettier than You"...you probably aren't going to buy it.

We need more nail polish names that celebrate us as women, not what time it is in Chicago, or some play on words like in the new Texas collection, "It's Totally Not Fort Worth It"--Sorry OPI...I don't live in Texas. Actually nor do I live in Lincoln Park. I want nail polish names that I'm going to love forever.  Like if I picked up a polish and the bottom read: 

"Wow. You are the picture of success and beauty." 

Now that's what I'm talkin about! 

So while I am still a recent OPI convert due to its long lasting durability--I gotta say that I don't want my fingernail color denoting a state or a time frame. But maybe that's just me, maybe some ladies like shrimp that much that they wanna be reminded of their fav meal every time they look down at their hands. Gotta say though OPI... I kinda doubt it. So here's some suggestions for your next collection. I propose you name it College Grad....
This Polish Means you got into Graduate School
You Survived 4 Years of FB Addiction
You're Hired!
Here's a free apartment so you don't have to move home... 

Let's see if OPI is game. Because the last one is a polish I'd wear everyday. I'd make it baby blue.