I still occasionally hear from my "Hugh."
You know you remember him. Heck, maybe you're still dating him. You remember the fights, the laughs, the kisses, the stories exchanged, first dates, first concerts, first [Parents VS Boyfriend], first break up, and first nights spent crying until you thought you couldn't cry anymore. You remember holding your head high when you heard about his new girlfriend. The way it felt when he called you out of nowhere to say hey...and well...so does Holly Madison. In hearing her talk about her break up with Hugh, I realized how similar it was to most of my own and my friends' break up brawls. Her sense of loss and need to "always have a boyfriend" is something I too have experienced.
You know the kind...that girl who always has a new guy, or the friend who you always see settling. The scary thing about being twenty-two is that the mistakes we make with men/women effect us more.
This ain't your high school playground and broken hearts take longer to mend.
Usually I'm incredibly guarded about my personal life and my views on the roller coaster of love.
But after recent events I feel the need to dish like Holly.
So here it is: The KB! True Hollywood Story of...First Loves, Backup Boys, and Life after the Ex Factor.
Chapter 1: First Loves
I met my ex at the soulful age of 17 and fell head over Steve Madden heels in love. Think: The Notebook. It was summer, I was young, he was in his early twenties and well...there's nothing like romance in a good sun dress. Basically, I was Holly and he was Hugh. The world looked on in confusion and the roller coaster of dating began. Once a week was World War III. Yet everyday I craved the high you get from the passion-fueled relationship of that first time. Remember the way you used to watch your phone guys and gals? It'd be an hour and...OMG...not ONE TEXT?!
Cause I do. I'd turn my phone off if I hadn't heard from him-- for all of five minutes. I tried to maintain my independent indifference, but love...passionate love...becomes an addiction. It's sick and you know it. You know the steam engine is gonna run out and just like Titanic you're gonna push till your heart rips open from the imminent iceberg. You're the Captain of the ship and you're 'mates' are crying out "Just leave him!... It's dysfunctional!...You need to find someone else!" But your eyes are locked...you're gonna make it past the iceberg of heartbreak and you're gonna be fine. Y'all aren't breaking up. You can't break up love. The voices of "Iceberg right ahead!" drown in your fabricated logic of true love and your rationalizations of his mistakes. No you think...this can't be it...
Lesson: First loves are Titanic. It's glamorous, it's beautiful, and it's going to sink.
Chapter 2: Backup Boys
While you're in the lifeboat of heartbreak, your friends crowd around you attempting you revitalize your frost bitten soul. It's over? But... you told him everything. He knows you. He was that guy. You saw a future together...you saw freakin kids!!! Well, guess what your friends say...
He obviously didn't.As you near the RMS Carpathia, you think about how your life is over. I know I did. No one else will 'get' them like you did. And what if they date someone new? The very thought sends toxins to your heart which threatens to give up and stop beating. You're in mourning you snap at your friends. Mourning the loss of first love. Yet, while riding the Carpathia, something amazing happens. You're riding the RMS of Rebounds and it is then you meet your BB's. No...I'm not talkin bout bad boys.
You meet your Backup Boys.
These are the guys who get you through it all. They give you the attention you find yourself missing. They give you the cuddle time you thought you'd never have again. And most importantly they teach you to let someone in after heartache. They educate you on the importance of options...and always having a Plan B. With your first love you didn't know any better. You thought, I'm in love and this is it. Backup Boys are what they say, they show you how when love ends it's nice to have a guy with unlimited texting. It eases the pain and is essential to moving on. During this time you develop 2-3 men in your life who you seriously contemplate dating. Yet...you won't date any of them.
Lesson: Remember when Rose was chillin' on the Carpathia crying over Jack? That's you right now. But don't worry...the land of promise awaits.
Chapter 3: Life After the Ex Factor
You were promised streets paved with gold, not hearts. Yet here in the land of opportunity, you dip your foot back into the dating pool and you like what you see. Eventually you meet him. And you say to yourself...this is why I went through what I went through. You're so happy to be back on dry land that you kiss your Backup Boys adieu (no easy feat) and you begin Take Two at Love.
But this time you aren't drowning in a sea of confusion. You're standing firm.
Take Two might be right. Or Take Four might end up perfection. You go through phases with this new Mr. Right. You compare him to Mr. Wrong for the first few months... and find yourself even missing the times Mr. Wrong made you cry. Then something amazing happens...you look across the table at him, that great guy who just smiles back at you as you sip your coffee and you think...Let's do this. Let's set sail.
And you do my friends. You lace up your Sperrys and sail off into the horizon. Maybe forever, maybe just for a few months. But you sail again knowing you'll find your way back to the shoreline...
that's the most important part of living & loving.
Don't be afraid of sinking--we all have a Titanic.