7.28.2011

le 23 mai.

"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. May 23rd was a Wednesday." 
 
We all have a May 23rd. It's the moment where you reevaluate your life and say to yourself: 
 
Am I living this right? 
 
or...if you're me...
God. I have no clue what I'm doing.

I love moments like May 23rd.  I'm a sucker for a good beginning, yet I'm always wondering how it ends. When I meet someone I'm already thinking how they'll leave, why I'll grow sick of them, or if by some chance of fate...we'll never be without each other. Imagine that....someone you never say goodbye to...makes you think, or maybe if you're one of the lucky ones, then I've just made you smile.

I think a lot of my life can be explained by the fact that I listen to a lot of Regina Spektor. To me, my life is a clever story played out on a piano. When I go running, my play list consists of 3 main players:

Regina
Eminem
& billy joel.

It was Eminem that I listened to on my first day of work. Eminem and the song "I Made It" by Kevin Rudolph. I imagine this probably gave the person next to me at every red light quite a laugh, watching some blonde girl drive her Honda CRV like she was Tupac's sidekick. But hey-we all have dreams.

My May 23rd doesn't begin with meeting a someone special, but rather it began with a woman asking me to choose which health insurance I'd like. I had just received my new work ID and I wasted no time in decorating my cubicle with photos of friends and family. Sitting at my desk, my high heels crossed with one leg over the other, I couldn't help but smile. Against all the "it'll never happen" and "the fashion industry is so hard to break into"...I had at last done it- I had proved them all wrong.  It was this discovery that would create a domino of change in my life, beginning with the end of my four year relationship. Respectfully my college boyfriend and I chose our own paths and I found myself, albiet by my own choice, standing alone for the first time since high school, ironically living back in my high school hometown.

This summer we all came home with the feeling of being so over college. We were ready for more, we wanted the future...and we wanted money. What most of us got were no phone calls back, student loans, and a predictable return from our self inflicted "high school hiatus" as we began to text and call all the friends we had bid adieu to four years earlier.

Living back at home is interesting. By day I'm a working Fashionista, salvaging style and laboring over pantones. By night, I feel as though I'm back to being seventeen, where my mom makes my dinner, my friends come over daily, and anytime before midnight just seems unsuitable to be in bed.  And yet, I could not be happier. Summer, I've always believed is a time for things to happen that could never blossom in the winter. I call it that "summer magic." Because under the summer sun, everything comes forward with a glisten of promise.  The promise that although you may not be granted 500 days of summer...there's always something more to be found in Autumn.

xox

KB.