5.21.2012

Mint Green Jeans [Little Things]

Warm sunny days, starry nights, & my mint green jeans.

Some days it's the little things that keep us going. Summer time is here and I've gotta say, the fact I can wear a sundress anytime I want makes me smile pretty wide in the morning. There is something grand about picking out your outfit in the morning. You're picking out the day.  There are some mornings where I still feel like I'm playing dress up as I slip on black pants. This girl in the mirror? Who's this girl? I arrive at my Starbucks, order my grown up coffee, and eventually sit at my own desk, with my own e-mail. It is here that I reply to all the questions that seemingly appeared overnight. And heck, maybe I'll send out a few of my own.

There's something in the air when you're leading this double life. One minute you're polished for business, but after 5, you're back outside, walking with friends wearing your mint green jeans.

I'm young and I've got this thing called time on my side, or so I'm told. Time for me has become a funny song, that lulls me to sleep and wakes me up with a look of raised eyebrows.

"Where you been girl?"

I've been listening to Rooftops & Invitations and remembering how it felt to sit at my new desk in my new dorm and have all my new friends come & knock on the door. 

In the middle of a meeting I want to say, "You know I've stayed up in a field just watching the stars?"

It's little things that don't fit on a resume. A typed out x-ray that leaves out all the guts, absent of the heart in a person. 

In the middle of stuffy country club conversation I laugh quietly about old jokes with old friends.

My friends and I dance to 80's cover bands in the town square of Woodstock. We drive to nowhere and we sing for the whole ride.  We wear mint green jeans and chapstick. We're a bunch of flowers and one by one we are plucked from the ground. Our roots cling on to one another, but we'd bloom brighter in a vase. Up on the kitchen counter, we still get the sun but no more nights in fields, no more getting caught in the rain.

I never want a life where I don't get caught in the rain. And once a year I want a night spent in the fields, watching the stars, after a car ride to nowhere.


Because it's the little things I tell people. It's my mint green jeans.

xox

KB.

5.14.2012

Earning [Her] Wings

I'm earning my wings. That's what I keep telling myself at least.  Three months in and you'd think I've never known hardship. Never endured struggle.  Weak. Weak. Weak.

But I'm only three months in. Roughly 90 days of training and each day is a new challenge that when my feet hit the ground I feel ready and willing to meet.

I'm not training for the United States Air Force. I'm the girlfriend of someone who is.

I'm the voice at the end of short phone calls. I'm the plane ticket being bought time and time again.
I'm the loneliness that knocks on the door but is never welcomed inside. I'm the text messages that just say "I love you." I'm the argument of why a piece of a paper can decide someone's fate. I'm the Google screen showing air forces bases and locations.  I'm the "civilian" who doesn't know what a B-2 is or why its so impressive. I'm the memories of everything left behind. I'm the smile through the tears. I'm the hug that you never want to end.

I'm one lucky USAF 2nd Lieutenant's gal.

The basic training we go through isn't like the tech school or basic endured by the ones we love. It's a different kind, a kind where character is tested and strength is heavily weighed upon. We don't have the companionship shared by a unit working towards a common goal. We lead normal, individual, civilian lives and have friends who try but cannot fully fathom the pain and joy that comes with being adopted into this situation.

When I met my boyfriend I knew and agreed upon these terms of a military courtship. He'd be there and I'd be here, and that was just fine. Up until he left. For days I cried, for weeks I tried not to, and for months I've waited.

I'm writing this post to acknowledge the other women/men I know currently in my situation and to say that you are not alone. In fact, I'm beginning to find that people in our situation are the least alone. It has been hard though. My Sunday brunch was cancelled, my Friday nights became girl nights, and my Saturdays are now used for Skype. There's no easy way to wake up to your life being changed, least of all having it change without your consent or control. Especially when you're not trained to accept words on a piece of paper or orders without a reason why. 

We are left with the task of regaining our footing, finding our new normal, and offering unconditional support to something that we don't always understand. We are left to keep going.

At the end of the day we come to the realization that the people far away from us are not the only ones training for the United States Air Force. I'm training for the USAF as well.  Though, lucky for me, my boot camp consists of a much comfier bed, my uniform is far more stylish, and my unit consists of family & friends that have been nothing short of a blessing.

I'm earning my wings, I tell myself. After all, I've always loved a new pin.


xox

KB