Hmmmm. Ok.

Twenty five is the age where there is an unspoken divide amongst your circle of friends. There are those who are ready for a family, marriage, and all the glories that come with buying your first home. To those, I tip my flower fastener in your direction. There are also those who are simply not ready to grow roots. They're the rootless, the wild, and they've been known to throw diamond rings in rivers. ....No comment on the rings in rivers portion.

As a member of the latter party, and having attended our last Wild Things Convention, there are a few things that caused quite the stir, a titch of confusion if you will. We've complied a list for your reading pleasure. Enjoy, have a laugh, and please don't email me defending your mason jars.

1. You saw this coming...when did mason jars become iconic motif for weddings everywhere? Did all of my friends secretly grow up in barns? Because last time I checked, the suburbs of Chicago had electricity and running water. I mean... your dad drives a mercedes. Free the fireflies and invest in a lamp. It'll last longer. Return on investment my friends. We are the most educated generation thus far, and yet we are regressing to mason jars... why...? We created Facebook and yet we are enslaving fireflies...

2. Don't make up baby names and get mad when I pronounce them wrong. #learningcurve

3. Making people buy dresses they will never wear again. If I can't wear it again and if I won't look glamorous then I won't buy it. I will show up in burlap and tell you to deal.

4. Pinterest is the Disney to the twenty-something American girl. Unless you start making friends with animals; all the Pinterest projects in the world won't make you a princess. A wedding should reflect your style, not the style of everyone you pin from. #beentheredonethat

5. Pressure others to get engaged because you are. I have a wedding once a year, it's called my birthday. I'm not ready for a marriage, but when I am, I will be sure to let you and 1,023 of my Facebook know. There will be live coverage on all major networks along with real time tweets. Don't you worry. But for now though?

6. Getting married suddenly means you have a curfew? We miss you at the 4 a.m. bars. Come back :(

7. I once walked into a wedding and thought, "Oh shoot, I'm at Easter mass, this can't be right..."
Unless there is a easter egg hunt following the reception (which would be a great idea) maybe treat pastels as accent pieces instead of an elevated easter brunch. #bunnychic #IwillFindAllTheEggs

8. Converse.. go buy some shoes. If you're wearing Vera you probably might want to hold on the cons. Save that for the honeymoon... or never... never works too.

9. Twine is everywhere at weddings. If you're that in love with twine, nix the platinum wedding band and just tie some rope around your finger. #youarenotsouthern #whoareyou??

10. Chalkboards. This is up there with the mason jars. God forbid someone erase the arrows to where the reception is... how would we ever find it?

11. Vintage Chic. 
This is what that looks like:

This is what you think it looks like (thank you Pinterest):

12. Milestones are not mile markers. All jokes aside, marriage is a beautiful thing. To my engaged and married friends, I love each of you and you're all pretty awesome. Job well done at finding your partner in crime. And to my single friends, the same to you and I will see you this evening. We need to celebrate in one another's spot in life and realize that marriage is not the destination. We are not a generation of housewives, and I know I did not attend college to get my MRS. A marriage is making your best friend officially yours--let's get back to celebrating the beauty in that and put on a real pair of shoes. And if you go to Michael's to buy some mason jars, you're out of luck. I just bought all of them and will be retailing them for $50.00 a jar. Take that Pinterest.


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